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This was far far too good not to post…. Take a ride on Farve’s Private Jet

What should Brett do? I honestly don’t know or care. However whoever decided to do this has a full standing applause from me.

 

Categories: Uncategorized

Evil Tiger…

While I am by no means disagreeing with Superman on the fact that Tiger is still better at golf than most of us are at anything that we do. There is a counter idea I must propose.

The other day KJ and I were discussing over lunch how Tiger was struggling at Bridgestone and just not being to put it best Tiger. The amount of money of the settlement came up along with the sponsors lost and so on and so on and I brought up the point of what does Tiger have left to lose? For the most part the sponsors that have stuck by him are going to stay. Nike isn’t going anywhere, there’s a million other watch companies out there, and while it may still be a little early for Gatorade to be putting up “Tiger is it in you?” banners I don’t think they are going to be going anywhere anytime soon either.

So the major sponsors are left, his life is in shambles, his golf game is at the time struggling what is there left to lose?

Enter “Evil Tiger”…

Maybe the strippers’ and escorts, and Perkins waitresses, and booze and parties and everything else was what allowed Tiger to be Tiger. The Tiger we knew and loved. Personally I could are less on his person life. I always enjoyed Tiger for the dominance on the course and not because of his home life or appearance there of. I never cared about Jordan’s gambling or Strawberry’s coke habit I just cared that when came time to bring it they did and were there and better than the rest.

So my plan for Tiger you ask? Go nuts. Make John Daily look like an alter boy. Hell team up with the big man and start a Holes and Ho’s pro-am. Tiger should date models and porn stars and Perkins, Denny’s, and IHOP waitresses he should bring them to the tournaments on his giant yacht, drive Lambo’s and Ferrari’s, move to Vegas and live in the penthouse of the Palms.

Get new sponsors like Grey Goose, Red Bull, Trojan, and trade Buick for Bentley.

Tiger could get away with all of this and probably even gain some more male fans too as long as he does one key thing with all of this..win. I want to see the old Tiger the guy who would win by 12 strokes and smirk in the post round interviews. I want that swagger and dominance back and if the above is what it takes to get it I’m ok with giving him a pass. He’s a golfer not a president and we should be worried about what he does on the course and not in the sheets.

Categories: Golf Tags: ,

A moment of silence for the Big Hurt..

February 12, 2010 Leave a comment

I’ve been what I like to call semi-retired from the blog lately. Still throwing out ideas to SM for articles and have even started and not finished a few also. But today brought inevitable news that has brought me out of retirement. That news was the retirement of Frank “The Big Hurt” Thomas. As a kid I loved the big hurt he is definitely on my list of top 5 all time favorite non Cardinals players ever.

It all started many years ago with a pack of baseball cards and a home run race.  Before PED’s and the Big Mac vs Corking Sammy Sosa, before Barry Bonds inflated head and inflated ego. There was Griffey vs Thomas, “The Kid” vs “The Big Hurt” and I truly loved it. It captivated me for an entire summer. It also helped that one day during this race for a HR crown that I opened a pack of upper decks and found one of those crazy “Rare Refractor Gold Eddition Super Mega Awesome Way Overvalued” baseball cards.  The Big Hurt was close though also just a few hours north of my home town in Chicago and luckily he didn’t play for the sCrUBS so it was ok for me to root for him.

But in an era that we now all know was ever so tainted the two before mentioned athletes are few of the stars we can look at with pretty great certainty and know that they did it the right way. The same way that Willie, Joe, Mickey, and The Babe did. Those are crazy names to bring up but when you look at the numbers there really not.

All time Home Runs Thomas ends his career in 18th tied with TED WILLIAMS and WILLIE MCCOVEY! Not too bad of company. End up with 1,704 Runs a .301 BA and 2,468 hits. His is one of only six players to ever win back to back AL MVP’s a couple of the other names on that short list are some guys named Marris, Mantle, Yogi Berra, and Jimmie Fox again in pretty good company. Maybe the most exclusive club Thomas is in is the 300 batting average, 500 home runs, 1,500 RBI, 1,000 runs and 1,500 walks in a career only 4 players ever have achieved that honor along with Mel Ott, Babe Ruth, and Ted Williams.

Thomas was a 5 time all-star, a world series champ, a 4 time silver slugger, 2 time MVP and the 2000 AL Comeback player of the year.

Thomas was always very outspoken against the use of PED’s and always chose to hit his homers fueled by steaks and cheeseburgers instead of Andro and Cream n Clear.

Thomas may not be a first ballot guy. If you look at the numbers though and look at the company with him in those numbers it should be a no brainer first ballot. If The Babe, Mickey, or Ted Williams came up for enshrinement today it would be no question the same should be said for The Hurt.

So a tip of the batting helmet to Thomas from me and one last curtain call for the big fella…

Categories: Uncategorized

The Real Deal Kevin Durant

December 31, 2009 1 comment

Lets play magical NBA GM. Lets say you get to look into your crystal ball and select one of the two following players hell I’ll make your job even easier and give you their first year numbers. (Bet Isiah wishes he had this crystal ball) Hell I’ll make your job even easier I’ll give you year two also. These two players are the same age and will both go on to win rookie of the year crowns. (Being a GM is a piece of cake where do I sign up??)

Hmm I wonder if I can pick up one of these crystal balls at Costco?...They seem to have everything....

Player A:

SF 6-8 250 lbs 7-0 wingspan 41in vertical

Year 1: GS 79 GP 79 MPG 39.5 FG%.417 3PT% .290 FT%.754 RPG 5.5 APG 5.9 SPG 1.6 BPG .7 PPG 20.9

Year 2: GS 80 GP 80 MPG 42.4 FG%.472 3PT% .351 FT%.750 RPG 7.4 APG 7.2 SPG 2.2 BPG .6 PPG 27.2

Player B:

F 6-9 230lbs 7-5 wingspan 34 in vertical

Year 1: GS 80 GP 80 MPG 34.6 FG%.430 3PT% .288 FT%.873 RPG 4.4 APG 2.4 SPG 1.0 BPG .9 PPG 20.3

Year 2: GS 74 GP 74 MPG 39.0 FG%.476 3PT% .422 FT%.863 RPG 6.5 APG 2.8 SPG 1.3 BPG 1.3 PPG 25.3

Pretty spot on almost dead even.. You have some give and take in many columns with both player A and player B swapping better numbers. You have player A who have an advantage in weight and vertical leap but also have player B who has the advantage in size and length. I’m sure you’ve caught on by now. Player A is the one and only king of ESPN Lebron James and Player B is the highly underhyped Kevin Durant.

Look I’m not by any means saying KD is better than LBJ. What I’m saying and have always said is that KD has the chance to end the end be a better all around more polished player. KD shot for better numbers in his rookie year than LBJ has yet to in his career. Something to think about for sure. Lebron is a monster a player that has changed the game and at the age of 31 25 taken over the NBA scene. But KD just turned 21 and is quickly sneaking into the conversation as one of the top handful of guys with Kobe, Melo, Wade, and LBJ think about it right now after those 4 who’s your next pick? KD has to be in the running…otherwise youd be headed down the same path as Isiah.

Another thing that is said in knock of KD and in favor of LBJ is that the Cavs have made it to the playoffs. Thats true they made it in LBJs third year this is KD’s third year now and the Zombie Sonics are right there fighting for a playoff spot in the MUCH MUCH tougher western conference I must add. You pop the Thunder into the east and they’re a lock.

No way Scott Van Pelts stealing my chair now that I have these lions!!

Again I’m by no means saying to crown KD as the king, Lebron and Kobe are on another level. Just keep in mind that there is a young hungry prince in waiting and that maybe the reign of King Lebron wont be as long as some are expecting.

Damnit.. I really gotta get me a couple of lions!

How bout’ them Cowboys…

December 23, 2009 1 comment

An INSANE stat that was given today on the Scott Van Pelt show today. In the last decade the Oakland Raiders have won 3 more playoff games than the Cowboys AND the Redskins combined. I was in shock. I never would have thought this. I did something I never thought that I would have to do and check to make sure SVP wasnt wrong. Sure enough he wasnt. This is mind-boggling! America’s team and the Skins are worse combined over the last decade than the Raiders…?!?!?!? And don’t even get me started on the insane amounts of money that Snyder and Jerry “Jerah” Jones have burnt through over that same amount of time… We all say that the Cript Keeper Al Davis is insane but if thats the case then what does that say about Jones and Snyder?? Somewhere you know Al Davis is sitting very very creepily smiling..

Serena wins top female athelete..second place a horse…wait what??

December 22, 2009 Leave a comment

 

Yeah even I couldn’t and wouldn’t make this up for my amusement.. Serena Williams was voted the top female athlete of 2009 and the voting wasnt even close. I guess she was pretty dominate and it wasnt a sportsmanship award but shouldnt telling a line judge that you’re going to shove a ball down her freaking throat come in to play at least a little bit? Is that really the kind of example we want to be sending to kids? It’s almost like saying you can say/ do whatever you want as long as you win (cough Tiger cough) On a side note second place was awarded to Zenyatta (no it’s not a Brazilian soccer star like Pele or Kaka) a freaking horse!!!

What exactly is the criteria for this award? Where was Candace Parker in this even if she was out prego she still should get it over a horse! What about Ochoa?? Better than all three of them she is the LPGA’s Tiger (minus the mistresses and seductive voicemails) how does she not even finish in the top three??

Categories: Tennis, Uncategorized

A Different Side of Ocho

December 21, 2009 Leave a comment

Yesterday we all got to witness something great. What we were privileged enough to see was the true love that is shared between members of a kind of true team. Chad Ocho Cinco ”Johnson” “Hachi Go” wept. He wept like a baby, and to me because of that he’s more of a man. I’ve always been a fan of Chad’s and always thought that his antics were funny and good-natured. Yesterday he became someone who I not just liked to watch, but someone I respected.

You’re possibly thinking right now that didn’t I just get done ripping Timmy Tears Tebow apart for this? No, this is something very different. Tebow cried because he lost a game, and at the end of the day thats all it is, is a game. Ocho cried because he lost a friend, a teammate, and as all of us know that have ever been a part of a team, a brother and family member.

Some analysts and media morons have said they think Ocho’s tears were all just a show. More of his usual antics. Statements like that are why I feel very strongly that if you’ve never played sports, never been a part of a team in some manner then you have no business covering them at all. Anyone that has ever been a part of a team would never make such comments. Teams become a family. These guys spend a good portion of their year spending a good portion of their days with each other. They bleed, they sweat, they eat and they sleep as one. There maybe arguments and fights but, what family doesn’t have those. Being of the same position Ocho and Henry would have spent even more time together. They even had the saying that 85 + 15 = 100 ways to be great.

Dont try to tell me the tears weren’t real. I’ll punch you in the face till you cry and tell you your tears aren’t real either.

Life is short. Something we all probably were reminded of this weekend. So have fun with it. You never know when it could be your last play..

A Whole New Generation of Farve-Ness

December 11, 2009 1 comment

That’s right, just when you thought that veteran quarterback Brett Favre was getting close to riding off into the sunset, there a whole new generation of gunslinger headed to town.

According to Rivals.com, Dylan Favre, the famous nephew of #4, is fresh off of a record setting senior season which included a Mississippi 4A state title capping off a season in which he basically lit up every defense that opposed him.

Here was Mini-Favre’s stat line in the state title game: 369 passing yards, 3 passing TD’s, 51 yards rushing, and 2 rushing TD’s.

Oh, did I mention that he plays defense and special teams too? Unlike uncle Brett he isn’t just throwing interceptions, he’s catching interceptions as well. Lil’ Favre had 1 INT and 17 tackles in the state title game while playing strong safety.

This kid is bananas! His high school career stat sheet is basically the Mississippi staterecord book.

Chew on these statistical records: total offensive yards: 14,175 yards, touchdowns responsible for: 169, and touchdown passes: 144.

In just his senior season Favre has had three 500 yard passing performances and just missed his fourth with a 498 yard outing. He passed for 5,539 yards, rushed for 1,228 yards, and was a part of 81 touchdowns (63 of which came using his Favreically enchanced cannon arm).

The young Favre has the same affection for career records as his future Hall of Fame uncle does.

Check out these career marks: 2nd in average total yards per game in a single season (453.4), 3rd in total yards in a single season (6,347 yards), and 5th in total yards for a career (14,175). DISCLAIMER: Those aren’t Mississippi ranks, those are national ranks.

Yes, that’s right. Dylan Favre has had a better high school career than just about every QB currently on an NFL roster.

Dylan has one more thing in common with his uncle: Southern Mississippi. Brett Favre’s alma-mater, Southern Miss, has extended a scholarship offer to Dylan. Favre still has no committed to a school.

You never know though, maybe Favre 2.0 will go to Ole Miss and have a pretty good career. He then stands a good chance to get drafted by the Atlanta Falcons, get traded to the Packers, set some NFL records and capture the hearts of Americans.
If he gets real lucky he’ll follow his uncle into the Wrangler gold mine, get stabbed in the back by Ted Thompson, Get traded to the New York Jets for a year, retire again, then make Brad ‘Chilly’ Childress pick him up from the airport and sign with the Minnesota Vikings while ripping the hearts out of the chests of every single Packers fan.

(While doing this he will be annoying the living crap out of SOGJ author, Superman for reasons still undetermined.)

I guess only time will tell. Until then we’ll just have to enjoy, or despise, the one Farve we do have right now.

Just call me ‘Chad Johnson-Ocho Cinco-Hachi Go”

December 10, 2009 Leave a comment

Oh wait…whhhaaaaattt? CHILD PLEASE!

Yes, you’re reading this correctly. The receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson is planning another name swap. Just in time to put right under Roger Goodell’s Christmas tree.

Apparently, last week a film crew from Japan was in Cincinnati to film a piece on the Bengals. (Why? I have no idea. Perhaps we shipped them some re-runs of Hard Knocks or something.)

While in town they dropped the gem to Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco that all NFL fans in Japan know of him and his antics.

Sunday morning before the Bengals met up against the Detroit Lions, Mr. Ochocinco held his daily UStream broadcast. During the show Ocho announced that in honor of his Japansse fans he will change his last name to ‘Hachi Go,’ which means ‘eight five’ in Japanese.

No news of the next language and country to win the Chad Johnson naming rights for 2011 thus far.

As a fantasy owner of ‘Hachi Go’ I can’t wait to see his new moniker show up on my fantasy lineup.

Categories: NFL Tags:

BREAKING NEWS: Uber-Human Confirmed

December 9, 2009 1 comment

A painted masterpiece? No, just Tom and his baby mama.

New England QB and super dream boat Tom Brady has confirmed the birth of his first child,  a baby boy, with wife, and more importantly smokin’ hot supermodel, Giesele Bundchen.

The baby has not yet been named but rumor has it that it will be something along the lines of ‘Uber Human Brady.’ Reportedly, reporters attempted to take pictures of Little Brady but the camera allegedly melted trying to process the beautiful image.

How lucky is this kid? His dad is a 3-Time Super Bowl winning quarterback and his mom is a Brazilian Victoria’s Secret model.

You would think that ‘Uber Human Brady’ will be a sure fire chick magnet, but on second thought, he would be coming from a breeding situation similar to the parents of Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah.  His dad was a French singer and tennis star and his mom was a Swedish pageant queen. We all know how that turned out…..

Ew. It looks like a hybrid between a rabid clown and Sideshow Bob.

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