SlamBall and Rock ‘n’ Jock, where did you go?

Sports change all the time. Today it was announced that the NFL will possibly change to an 18 game season as soon as 2012, as long as there is no lockout. This got me thinking for some reason about my teenage years and two games that I loved, SlamBall and Rock ‘n’ Jock. You know you watched and loved both!

Rock ‘n’ Jock

What do you get when you take NBA players, athletic celebrities, and a basket that is lowered on top of another basket and make it worth 25 points? ROCK ‘N’ JOCK basektball of course. Remember the Violators and the Bricklayers? What about Bill Bellamy(MTV personality) and Dean Cain(TV Superman) leading their teams? This was what made up fake sports was supposed to be. I would still watch this if it were on. Back in the day it was Gary Payton, Chris Webber, and Skinny Shawn Kemp(as opposed to coked up fat Shawn like in his Cleveland Days. This was Seattle Reign Man Shawn.), can you imagine Dwight Howard, Ron Artest, and Stephon Curry in a Rock ‘N’ Jock game!? This would be gold. Tell me you wouldn’t watch MTV again instead of watching teen girls watching their lives fall apart or another 20 something college dropout get hammered! I know I would look forward to this every year. MTV did it right it was cool and not corny like the fake games they have at the all-star game.

They also had the Rock ‘N’ Jock Softball which was of course ruined by allowing super freak athlete/entertainer Nelly compete. He was just to good. Enough said.

SlamBall

Oh SlamBall! How did this idea fail? Trampolines, body checking, and basketball! Although I never watched much SlamBall I have a personal tie to this wonderful sport. You see when one of your best friend’s mom owns a gymnastics studio that has built in floor trampolines you take full advantage of it. Now, how you ask did we set up a basketball hoop in the studio? You take a plastic Play School basketball hoop and you jimmyrig it to a large tumbling mat. Now we didn’t play actual SlamBall but we did have ridiculous dunk contest for the better part of 2 hours! Some where in a basement or attic is a video tape that has all the glorious windmills and reverse between the leg dunks. I can not take credit for any of those amazing dunks but I can however take credit for being a gigantic hype losing my mind dunk after dunk!

Retro Clip of the Week – Chicks Dig the Long Ball

This one is an epic classic.  Tom Glavine and Greg Maddox get jealous of Mark McGwire because he hits bombs and apparently gets the chance to score with Heather Locklear. In hindsight, one thing that Maddox and Glavine needed to do in order to be more like Mark was to inject each other in the ass cheek with ‘roids and HGH. That will help speed up the process.

Notes from this video:

1. Greg Maddox really does sound like a nerd.

2.Tom Glavine looks a lot like Van Damme with his shirt off and getting hit by a bat. (The “Step into it!” line is great also.)

3.Heather Locklear will never date a pitcher. Only Mark McGwire and 2/3 of any hair band from the 1980′s can have a piece of that.

RETRO CLIP OF THE WEEK – Lil’ Penny

Do you remember just how good Anfernee ‘Penny’ Hardaway was back in the day?

Before all of the injuries which plagued him until his retirement in 2007, Hardaway put up 22 points, 7 rebounds and 4 assists per game during his best NBA season in 1995-1996.  That’s quite the quality stat sheet.  He was even a member of the 1996 USA Olympic basketball team (which you will never, ever, ever hear me refer to as “Dream Team II.” If there’s no Larry Bird laying on the baseline with his shoes off and feet up for 30 minutes a game then it’s not a Dream Team, alright???)

Nothing better came out of the success of Penny Hardaway than America’s favorite mini-puppet, Lil’ Penny (I’m fairly certain that we’ve been over this puppet entertainment thing of mine already.)  Lil’ Penny was voiced by the highly annoying and best over-actor of our time, Chris Rock, and quickly became a pop culture icon.  I’m fairly certain that some of my classmates in grade school thought Lil’ Penny was a real person and I’m damn positive that Lil’ Penny eventually became more famous than Big Penny ever was.

Right when Lil’ Penny mania hit full steam, the plug was pulled.  Big Penny couldn’t stay off of the injury report and Lil’ Penny disappeared.  A sad time for mid-90′s America indeed.