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NFL Week 14 Recap

December 15, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Chalk up one more week of NFL action and another week of the Saints and Colts being awesome at football. Here’s a recap of the week’s best games, in descending order (for dramatic effect, of course):

Cutler is looking down because he just finished straightening his socks.

6. Packers – 21 Bears – 14:

This game makes the list only because we’re from the Midwest and the Packers/Bears rivalry is something special for most people in the Illinois/Wisconsin area. It sure did look like December football in the Midwest: brown turf, cold temperatures, dudes sneaking flasks of Jack Daniels into Soldier Field, and Bears QB Jay Cutler throwing more than one interception.

The football quality, however, was not on par with how an NFL game should look. My fantasy football point machine and Packers QB Aaron Rodgers was virtually non-existant. (…and he’ll have to answer to his owner, me, if Boldin and Vernon Davis go off tonight and I take the early first round exit from the ‘Annexation of Puerto Rico III’ playoffs.) Packers RB Ryan Grant stepped up huge while gaining 137 rushing yards and scoring the Pack’s only 2 TD’s of the game.

The Bears once again looked like an intramural flag football team as they failed to gain 300 yards of total offense for the fourth consecutive game. Sophomore slumper and the next answer to the: ‘Who was the last running back the city of Chicago compared to Walter Payton to fall off of the face of the planet?’ question, Matt Forte, only had 51 yards rushing in the game. (Previous answers: Rashaad Salaam, Curtis Enis, Cedric Benson…I could go on for days).

The Packers moved to 9-4 with the win, putting them in solid position to grab a NFC Wild Card spot. This brings us closer to the dream match-up between the Packers and Brett Favre’s Vikings in January.

Would there be any bigger kick in the pants to the entire state of Wisconsin if Favreski not only beat them twice in the regular season, but also a third time in the playoffs to end their chance at winning a Super Bowl? (I’ll answer for you. No.)

The Bears are now a dismal 5-8 after being one of the early favorites to win the NFC North.

(Game notes: Jay Cutler’s socks remained perfect the entire game.)

Henne is easily the slowest man in the NFL.

5. Dolphins – 14 Jaguars – 10:

Here was a game with massive AFC Wild Card implications.

A win for the Jags would have moved them to 8-5 on the season, into sole possession of the last Wild Card slot, given them a full game advantage on a slew of teams with a 7-6 record, and provided a clearer idea of the AFC Playoff picture.
This is all a moot point, however, because the Jags blew it and opened the door for three other teams to grab that final spot.

The Dolphins were led by RB Ricky “Smokeshow” Williams and his 115 total yards from scrimmage and 1 TD. Human/Sloth QB Chad Henne also chipped in with 220 yards passing.

With the win, the Dolphins moved to 7-6 and are above .500 for the first time this season.

If the season ended today, the Jags would still get the last Wild Card spot due to tie-breakers, but their 7-6 record is matched by the Dolphins, Ravens and Jets.

Weis is a n00b. Look at him using the magazine as a foregrip...

4. K.J. vs. Superman (no declared winner):

This match-up was not previously listed on the NFL schedule, but a debate this massive must be listed as a top showdown of the week.

It all started when Superman declared that Charlie Weis is the best possible offensive coordinator for any NFL team. This being due to his past history with the New England Patriots and his coaching of the alleged college football ‘offensive juggernaut,’ the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

I countered with the fact that Weis has gobs of talent while in New England and that his teams at Notre Dame were far from being offensive weapons of mass destruction.

Here’s my proof. These are Charlie and the Offensive Factory’s total offensive rankings out of all 120 FBS schools in the nation straight from ESPN.com:

2005 – #9
2006 – #22
2007 – #118
2008 – #58
2009 – #13

Here are some thoughts on these ranks. In 2005 Charlie benefitted from the athletes brought in by departed coach Tyrone Willingham. The 2006 season was also a good one for Chuck Weis. If 2005 and 2006 were the only schools in the sample then I would have to agree with Superman., but….then comes 2007. Offensive ranking: #118. (Reminder: There are only 120 schools in the FBS division.)

How does an offensive genius, regardless of personnel, let his offense be that terrible? Charlie has since improved his offensive production at ND, but these rankings hardly show that he is capable of producing an offensive powerhouse wherever he goes.

One of Marshall's record setting 21 receptions against the Colts.

T-3. Saints-26 Falcons – 23, Colts – 28 Broncos – 16:

These games had small pockets of drama, but they had the feel of sure wins by both undefeated teams the entire game. Both teams took the win and moved to 13-0.

With only three games left in the regular season the questions are now swirling about whether or not the teams with sit starters to prepare for the playoffs or play them for the duration to go for the perfect 16-0 record.

One highlight was Broncos WR Brandon Marshall setting the NFL single game record for most receptions with 21. No word on if his pre-season drills including: light jogging, ball punting and football two handed slap attributed to him attaining the record.

Colts TE Dallas Clark also set a record of his own by breaking the team’s single season records for receptions (82) and yards (902) by a tight end.

Philip Rivers will now be known as 'Mr. December' or 'Romo's Daddy.'

2. Chargers-20 Cowboys-17:

This game made the list based on the camera cuts to Cowboys super-owner Jerry Jones getting pissed off in the luxury box and most likely saying: “Awww dang! Y’all see this? Here we go again dang-nab-it!”

Let’s face it, the Chargers are the anti-Cowboys. All they do is win in December, and the Cowpokes can’t even use Jerry’s money to buy a victory. San Diego is also on an eight game winning streak.

Chargers QB Philip Rivers is now a perfect 16-0 in December starts for the Chargers. Even though Rivers gives the impression that he’s an absolute douche to be around I have to admit that the kid gets it done down the stretch.

The Chargers moved to 10-3 with the win and are on the verge of clinching the AFC West title. The Cowboys are now 8-5 and sitting in the last Wild Card spot. The road to the playoffs doesn’t get any easier, however, with upcoming games against the undefeated Saints, the Redskins and the Eagles.

DeSean Jackson seen here in mid-dance, of course.

1. Eagles-45 Giants-38:

America loves points. That’s why we’re trying to change hockey and that’s why we hate soccer so much. America loved the Sunday night game.

83 total points. 47 first downs. 886 total yards. Awesome.

Philadelphia Eagles WR and return specialist DeSean Jackson had the biggest impact on the game with a 72-yard punt return for a TD and a 60-yard reception for a TD.

(Jackson should also get extra credit points for excessive dancing both prior to and after he crossed the goal line.)

Our #1 game of the week was exciting from start to finish and produced massive fantasy points for owners of Giants and Eagles skill players.

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