Home > MLB, NBA, NFL > Who hates ya baby?

Who hates ya baby?

As I have stated before in my several posts I hate Brett Favre (He is talented and I can’t argue his numbers, but I still don’t have to like the guy.) and Kobe Bryant (He is a good basketball player. Once again, I only say that because I am required by law to do so.) but it hit me that there are all kinds of guys that we all love to hate in sports. Here is the list of athletes, coaches and announcers that we love to hate:

Athletes:

Jay Cutler is hated by Bears and non-Bears fans alike.

Jay Cutler – QB – Chicago Bears (Or as K.J. now refers to him: J-Cutty):

(Editors note: Keep an eye out for a full-scale article based attack on J-Cutty in the near future. I’m going to light his sorry ass up like the 4th of July. – K.J.)

If you have taken the time to sit though any Bears game this year, give yourself a pat on the back.  You deserve an award for most amount of torture endured or something. Here’s something to make your next viewing of a Bears massacre an enjoyable and entertaining one:

Take a piece of paper and your favorite #2 pencil and document three things throughout the course of the game:

1. Number of times Jay Cutler adjusts his socks. This includes immediately after taking a sack and throwing an interception. (I’m fairly certain that if this way turned into some kind of drinking game that everybody would pass out before we even get to see Terry Bradshaw butcher the halftime highlights like Alice’s boyfriend from The Brady Bunch butchers slabs of beef.)

2. Number of times Jay Cutler pulls his helmet practically over his eyes. (This would explain why he can’t see the safeties.)

3. Number of times he makes a face like he absolutely hates his life. (Probably because he does…and he should.)

4. Number of times a Fox camera will cut to him on the bench and you think to yourself: “Wow, Cutler looks just looks like a frat boy I saw at the bar last night skeezing on chicks.”

America’s hate/hate relationship will Cutler most likely began last season when he claimed that his arm was better than that of Broncos legend John Elway. That is when we knew that J-Cutty had a cannon for an arm and a peanut for a brain, and we’ve been loving to hate him ever since.

It is impossible, however, to hate puppet-LeBron.

LeBron James – GF – Cleveland Cavaliers:

LeBron is an enigma on this list.  It is no doubt that LeBron and his game include everything that makes the NBA great.  He’s entertaining, has more athletic ability than God, and routinely makes the highlight plays look easy.

On the other hand, LeBron is everything that is terrible about the NBA as well.  He is the single reason that Mike Brown doesn’t know what an offensive set is.  LeBron thinks that going 1-on-5 means that he has the number advantage.

It’s almost like junior high basketball when there was always one kid whose balls already dropped and was shaving on an hourly basis.  He would dominate games. He would just plow through defenses like Bo Jackson on Tecmo Super Bowl.  The kid’s stat line would be like this: 32 pts, 17 rbs, 0 assists, 39 steals.  Well, that’s what LeBron still thinks he can do to the NBA, and we just hate it.

Tom Brady doesn't even know what normal is anymore.

Tom Brady – QB – New England Patriots:

Don’t get me wrong here, Tom Terrific is a great quarterback.  Brady and Manning are 1A and 1B of best QB’s in this decade…but, screw you Tom Brady.

Screw you and your Brazilian supermodel wife.  What, you couldn’t handle having just an American supermodel wife? You had to go to the holy grail of supermodels and pick the best one?

Screw you and your unbelievable recievers and offensive line.

Screw you and your gorgeous mane of flowing locks.

Screw you and your coach (Don’t worry Hoody, you’re next.) that tries to score 100 points every game.

Finally, screw you and your new pussycat attitude which mandates that every time someone comes within a 5-foot radius of your new knee it requires you to flop around like a beached trout and yell at the ref to throw a flag, which they always do.

We get it Tom, you’re awesome…and that’s why we hate you.

It's hard to hate on the white college basketball player, but Duke makes it necessary.

Anyone who has ever/is currently/or will ever play college basketball at Dook University:

Fill in the blank and it’s pretty much a sure thing that you hate this player.  Don’t believe me? Here, test yourself:

1. J.J. Reddick – Yep, hate him.

2. John Scheyer – Yep, not a fan of him either.

3. Danny Ferry – Bingo.

4. Greg Paulus – Oh boy, big time hate.

5. Christian Laettner – First Duke hate I ever had.

Why this is true, I have no idea. It could be the aura that all Dook players think surrounds them or it could be the fact that they play for Coach K. But regardless of the reason, we just know that we hate them.

Coaches/Managers:

Tony LaRussa – St. Louis Cardinals:

The fact that he takes a bunch of nobodies, mixes in some Dave Duncan love, throws in Albert Pujols, and still beats the absolute dog piss out of the Cubs every year really pisses me off.

On top of that, he may or may not of been drunk for half of those games and he’s also a smug tool box with funny hair.

Not to mention he turned Jeff Weaver (Athletes we Love to Hate: Honorable Mention) from a Venice Beach stoner into a pitcher who clinched a World Series makes he really hate him.

Hey Hoody, nobody likes you.

Bill Belichick – New England Patriots:

Oh, Hoody…I told you I would get to your ass.

You are arrogant well beyond the normal threshold of arrogant.  Merriam-Webster may need a new word to describe your arrogance, perhaps something like: megaloarragosity (definition: to be overly arrogant, approaching or at Hoody status.)

Don’t think we forgot about the whole cheating to win, running up the score on NFL teams, and giving the worst (and at the same time, the best to make fun of) post game interviews.

Having Coach K lead the olympic team made the world hate us even more.

Mike Krzyzewski – Duke Blue Devils:

First and foremost, it took me four minutes and nine scholarly sources to spell your last name correctly.  The moment that you became famous you should have done us all a favor and changed it to Clark or something.

Next, you are the head basketball coach at Duke University. (See: previous post entry on “Duke Basketball Players”)

Announcers (aka: Gus Johnson’s Bitches):

"This blog post is quite simply the most emphatic, outstanding, wonderfulous post ever!"

Bob Costas:

Please, stay in the studio homeboy. Everything that you are witnessing is not the most exciting stupendous, extraordinary, euphoric, superfilous thing that you have ever seen.

We get it, Michael Jordan was good and you love sports, but easy boy. Calm the eff down.

John Madden:

It’s no secret that John Madden has more football knowledge in his big toe than the entire SOGJ staff will ever know.  He just has no idea how to communicate this to his audience.  He ends up sounding like an idiot and stating things that are blatantly obvious to a 10-year old girl.

Plus, anyone who loves Brett Favre as much as he did is on my list no matter what, I am glad you retired.

Worst...announcer...ever.

Bill Walton:

Whoever decided to have Bill announce games that his son, Luke Walton, played in was out of their ever loving mind. (See: any Lakers game, Illinois vs. Arizona Sweet 16 game from 10 years ago)

I was watching a Celtics regular season game roughly eight years ago when Walton declared a basic, everyday turnover “the worst pass in the history of the Boston Celtics.” Really Bill? Wow.

Also, please keep him away from Celtics and Pacers.  This provides Walton the opportunity to gush about how great of a player Larry Bird was and  it makes for a long night.

Is it just me or does he sound like when he talks he has something in his mouth which totally blocks his tongues ability to move at times?

These are the guys I love to hate. We would love to hear who you love to hate. Email us your lists of people you love to hate at: screamsofgusjohnson@yahoo.com

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  1. December 19, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    Love this post. “Megaloarragosity” —yeah, must email Webster Stat. LOVES IT! BTW, I think Dallas Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban deserves at least an honorable mention. #imjustsayin

    Dimples

  2. hammer
    December 21, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    1 milton bradley
    2 joakim noah
    3 steve spurrior
    4 eli manning
    5 lane kiffin

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