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Tiger effectively told you nothing

February 20, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Sometimes it’s hard for the die-hard sports fan to grasp just how important a sports related event is on a social scale just because they think every piece of sports news is life altering. (When Brett Favre re-signs with the Vikings in July, I’ll totally agree with said statement.)

Here’s how I judge it:

When I have co-workers who I know have never watched more than 30 seconds of a PGA Tour event ask me if I’m going to listen to the Tiger Woods presser, then I know that it’s a huge deal.

Why does everybody care about Tiger and his infidelity so much? Because this is America, and in America there is nothing we love to do more than build people to superhero status, break them back down to nothing, and then rebuild them.  It’s the great American story.  Nobody forgives quite like the USA. (See: Charlie Sheen, John Daly, Mike Vick, Allen Iverson, Brittney Spears.)

Yesterday’s press conference was huge both for the general public and ‘Camp-Tiger.’  The public, who has been thirsting for a piece of El Tigre since the Thanksgiving Hydrant Massacre, wanted to hear exactly how Tiger was going to apologize and how detailed it would be.  ‘Camp-Tiger’ wanted to see how well a team of PR experts could write a 13 minute speech after 3 months of preparation.

As soon as the press conference was over the reviews and opinions of the apology of the century were all over the web, but here is my take on the whole thing.

Tiger said exactly what he was supposed to say. How do I know this, you ask? Because I took PR classes in college. This speech had Public Relations 101 written all over it:

1. Tiger accepting blame for the entire incident.

2. Tiger apologizing to his wife and family about 1,389 times.

3. Tiger attempting to convice America that Elin really didn’t bust up his Escalade on dubs with his forged Nike 9-iron.

4. Tiger talking about his ‘treatment’ and how he will move on.

5. Tiger thanking his supporters and asking for help in the future with his problem.

6. Tiger hugging his mother and slightly pumping the tear ducts for 10.3 seconds with the cameras still rolling.

Honestly, this speech was so robotic and prepared that it effectively told you nothing about what Tiger Woods really thinks.  It told us a great deal about his PR team.  It told us that they did in fact graduate from a four-year institution with an emphasis on public relations and a minor in kissing ass. (How else did they get on Tiger’s PR team?)  What an incredible let down this was for most of America. (Not for me, however. I knew it was headed down this road the second it was scheduled.)

If we really need to know exactly what Tiger thinks about his past transgressions and his current situation then what we need is an unscripted, open topic, sit down interview with Jim Nantz, Bob Costas, Barbara Walters or Chris Hansen. (The Hansen interview would be taped just like an episode of ‘How to Catch a Predator.’ The new title: ‘Trapping a Tiger.’)

Tiger’s best move would be to re-join the PGA Tour as quickly as possible, start winning tournaments again (which he undoubtedly will, if you think otherwise then you’re an idiot), and shut everybody up.

Just do it Tiger, we need TMZ to give you back, the golf world misses you.

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  1. March 16, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    Great post. Im glad somebody else thinks this Tiger thing is absolutely ridiculous. not only did he tell us nothing, i dont think he was obligated to tell us anything. the whole situation is nobodys business anyway

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