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We had him first America….back off.

March 27, 2011 Leave a comment

It happens every March, America falls in love with Gus Johnson for a 2 week period. Guess what? We enjoy him year round…hell, we named our website after the guy. That doesn’t mean that we think these parody videos that are popping up all over the interweb aren’t great though. They’re a fantastic tribute to the finest pipes on the planet. We love you Gus, and don’t forget that we were here first.

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Brandon Phillips is a Little Bitch…

August 10, 2010 Leave a comment

Many of you may not know Brandon Phillips, and that’s okay. (He’s the 2B for the Cincinnati Reds) On Monday he felt the need to air his feelings about the Reds upcoming opponents, the St. Louis Cardinals.

From ESPN.com: “I hate the Cardinals. All they do is bitch and moan about everything, all of them, they’re little bitches, all of ’em.”

The same day Phillips decided to do some more talking with his bat by going 0 for 5 against the Redbirds in a 7-3 loss. Well, guess who wasn’t done being a punk bitch himself? That’s right, Phillips felt like being a dick once again…

At the start of Tuesday’s game, Phillips felt the need to say hello to Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina with a tap on the shin guard with his bat. Molina proceeded to kick away the obvious slap in the face from the player who recently called him a “little bitch.” Phillips then got into the face of Molina and a good old fashioned basebrawl ensued. The Cardinals then took game 2 of the series, sparked by an early Molina HR, with a 8-4 win.

So, you’re probably asking yourself, “what’s the point KJ?” Here we go…

Phillips just blew his load in the first real week he’s ever been in a playoff race. In fact, Phillips has never even played in an MLB playoff game. Why he would call out a successful organization like the Cardinals for no apparent reason is beyond me.

While the Cardinals were busy winning 3 NL Central crowns and a World Series, Phillips was the anchor of a Reds franchise that strung together consecutive 5th place finishes with his .261 batting average and 100+ strikeout seasons.

Did I mention that Phillips isn’t afraid to back up his words with his bat? Since he’s called out the entire Cardinals organization he’s been on a tear. He’s hitting .100 with 1 meaningless RBI in two blowout losses against St. Louis.

Let me cut the sarcasm now, Phillips is the bitch. He opened his mouth during the most important home series in recent Reds history, and the most highly anticipated series at the newly opened Great American Ballpark. The Reds are now on the verge of getting swept at home in this pivotal series, with many thanks to Phillips for lighting the proverbial match under the collective asses of the Cardinals.

He openly showed how ignorant he is by ripping current teammates and former Cardinals, Scott Rolen and Jim Edmonds and his current boss and former Cardinals GM Walt Jocketty with his childish blabbering.

I’ve seen plenty of Reds games and Brandon Phillips doesn’t exactly represent the history and tradition of baseball on the field. He just needs to shut up, play the game, and enjoy his time in the sun. It won’t be too much longer until the Reds are irrelevant again at this pace…

This is a joke right?

July 16, 2010 Leave a comment

File this one in the LOL category: Penny Hardaway wants to make a triumphant comeback to the NBA. Even better, he thinks that ‘he’d be good’ in the current Miami Heat system. I’m very curious what system he’s speaking about exactly. I don’t recall them ever talking about a specific scheme yet that could properly involve Bosh, Wade and LeDouche, but apparently the missing x-factor is Penny.

From Yahoo! Sports:

“Mentally I was retired and physically I was retired. I was playing recreational ball,” Hardaway said. “But when the decision happened with Chris Bosh and LeBron, I felt like I could really be good in that system.”

I think that Penny really envisions himself as the main cog in this so-called system. (The system, obviously, is to ride the stacked Miami roster to a cheap ring.) Too bad he’d probably snap his ankle and end up on the DL in the first month of the season.

Obviously you want to play for the Heat, Penny. Guess what, so do I and 5 million other Americans. The funny thing is, I probably have as good of a shot at it as you do.

I’d like to thank Penny, however, for inspiring me to create the following list…

Washed up NBA’ers Without Some Bling That Want it Fo’ Free:

1. Penny Hardaway (If he brings Lil’ Penny back out of retirement to kick it with the LeDouche and Mamba puppets, then I’m all for it.)

2. Karl Malone (The Mailman already tried this tactic once with the Lakers in 2003. I’m sure he’d whore himself out again.)

3. Antoine Walker (We all know he needs the money. He won’t play much, but instead he’ll be used to wash LeDouche’s car and fetch D-Wade’s dry cleaning.)

4. Stephon Marbury (See above. He could also be paid in Vasoline, which he would then eat.)

5. Patrick Ewing (This big man actually deserved a ring, and let’s face it, he’s probably more mobile than Shaq at this point.)

Categories: NBA Tags: , , , , ,

First LeBron, and now Tiger?

July 13, 2010 Leave a comment

Tiger seen here with putting with the Nike Method during a practice round at St. Andrews this week.

Prepare for the scathing letter from the desk of putter mastermind Scotty Cameron, ala Dan Gilbert.

Tiger Woods has dumped his famed putter that he has used to win 13 majors since 1999 in favor of the Nike Method.  This may not seem like news to the casual sports fan, but golf nerds across the world might compare this to the LeBron fiasco decision.

He claims that the Nike Method helps him putt better on the slower greens at St. Andrews, which is hosting the 139th Open Championship this week.

From ESPN.com:

But he did disclose that he is putting a new putter in his bag for the first time in 11 years. Gone, at least for this week, is the Scotty Cameron Newport 2, a putter which has been in use for 13 of his 14 major championships going all the way back to May of 1999. Woods is going with a new Nike model called the Method.

“I’ve always been tempted to change my putter on slower greens and I’ve always struggled when greens are really slow,” Woods said. “I’ve always felt more comfortable when the greens are quick. I’ve always experimented with other putters throughout the years but I’ve never put one in play until now.”

July = Favre Watch

July 13, 2010 Leave a comment

(Editors Note: We here at SOGJ have had a hectic summer. Hell, one of us even tied the knot last month. We promise that we really are going to start posting on a regular basis again both on the blog and on our Twitter account @ScreamsofGus now that everything has settled down. To better accomplish this you’re going to see some new writers appearing on the site to help us out. This article was written by C-Burn, another smart Vikings fan and journalism major like myself. Enjoy. – KJ)

Favre led the Vikings to a 12-4 record and the NFC North title in 2009.

With training camp only weeks away, people are once again asking the question “What will Favre do?”

Growing up in Peoria, Illinois, I was surrounded my whole life by Chicago sports fans. Sure, some loved the Cubs, others (like a certain Bradley head basketball coach) were die-hard Sox fans. But everyone agreed on one thing…they all loved Da Bears. Well, I was an exception to this, and I know another intelligent writer on this blog (K.J.) is as well. I grew up a Minnesota Vikings fan. Heck, there’s a home video of me telling my mom that I was wearing my Minnesota Vikings sweatshirt at age one! So, naturally, I was just as happy as any Vikes fan when Brett Favre helped carry my team much farther than anyone anticipated last year. Everyone gave him such a hard time for coming back, but if he can still play, why not? Living in Minnesota this summer, I have realized that just about everyone else in this great state agrees. While some have other opinions, everyone just wants to see the purple and gold win, and if Favre’s the man to make it happen, then let’s go.

The only problem I have with the whole Favre situation is simple….outside of the season, he isn’t much of a team player, and that is beginning to rub off on other members of the Vikings squad. I’m sure some of you heard that he was not at mini-camp in June, which was to be expected, but did you hear Adrian Peterson wasn’t there either? It seemed as though Adrian thought “if Brett doesn’t have to be here, why do I? I’m just as much of a superstar on this team as he is, so see ya mini-camp.” Not ok. Sure, Favre’s situation is a little different, he’s been in the game for almost twenty years, I don’t think mini-camp is really going to help him hone any of his skills to a huge extent, but it’s just the principle. This is your team, you haven’t come out and said you wouldn’t be joining them in the fall, so come support the new guys and the ones that are busting their asses to make this season great. And then there’s Tarvaris Jackson, who has patiently waited for his time to shine, and works ridiculously hard to make sure he is ready when his time comes, but continues to get strung along. All Brett Favre has to do is say whether or not he is going to be back in the fall, and it was save so much heartache for Jackson in the end. He would know whether or not he would be starting this year and wouldn’t have to get his hopes up just to have them crushed. That to me is just common courtesy because you really can see the toll it takes on T-Jack. He was at mini-camp. Shiancoe, McKinnie, Allen (who just got married and cut all his hair off),  Rice, and everyone else minus AP and Favre were at mini-camp putting in the hard work to finish what they started last season.  (PS, I was at mini-camp, so I promise I’m not just pulling this out of thin air.)

I have no doubt in my mind Favre isn’t done. He has expressed that he wants to beat the Saints, and the Vikings roster is one that has a chance of going all the way. I just hope that the constant roller coaster that is Brett Favre doesn’t end up taking a serious toll on the rest of the Vikings squad and ruining their shot of being the best.

Like I said, I was just as happy as every other fan that bleeds purple and gold when Favre took us as far as he did this season; I was pissed when he kept getting unrightfully beat up on during the Saints game; and I want nothing more than to see him come back for another season. I just wish his ways were a little more thought out towards his teammates….then again, he is THE Brett Favre.

(I’ll also be at training camp for two days in Mankato, so I’ll be sure to post more after that!)

C-Burn

Categories: NFL Tags: , ,

Hockey wins again.

April 6, 2010 1 comment

This story is just plain awesome. The 1989 state hockey championship in New Jersey was canceled due to a measles outbreak at one of the participating schools. Due to scheduling conflicts, it was never rescheduled and the teams were announced as co-champions. Until now, that is. From Yahoo! Sports:

Delbarton and St. Joseph are located a handful of miles from each other in North Jersey. The schools have long been hockey powers. In 1989, their road to the state final seemed destined from the start.

St. Joseph’s was No. 1; Delbarton was No. 2. But everyone knew they were going to settle it on the ice.

Then, the day before the final was to be played, there was a measles outbreak at Delbarton. The game was off.

Williams was one of the driving forces behind an idea to finally play the 1989 New Jersey state hockey final between St. Joseph’s and Delbarton – a game that was cancelled 21 years ago due to a measles outbreak.

What started as an exchange of a crazy idea for closure had turned into a huge fundraiser for charity. It finally was game time.

Delbarton defeated St. Joseph by a score of 3-2 and became the only middle aged men to ever win a high school state championship.

Categories: Hockey Tags:

It’s Augusta time.

April 6, 2010 1 comment

God's finest 18 hole creation.

I’ll just get right to the point here. The week of the Masters is my favorite week of the year. Not only do I get 24/7 coverage live from Augusta almost all week thanks to ESPN, The Golf Channel and CBS, but it also signals that it’s time for us Illinoisans to bust out our sticks and hit the links as well.

The 2010 edition of the Masters has more story lines than your average tournament. Let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?

1. Jim Nantz and Mike Tirico try to out-cheese each other:


This is always a very competitive duel.  Some would argue that nobody can match the cheese that Jimmy Nantz lays down during Sunday’s final round, but Mike Tirico has made the Par 3 contest his poetic bitch. The use of children as the caddies for paid athletes is pure inspiration for Tirico, as well as watching AARP members like Gary Player try to hit the ball 100 yards over a small pond.

Tirico may now get three days to attempt to knock Nantz off of his lyrical high horse, but he’s no match for the master.

Advantage – Nantz over Tirico

(Side note: If Jim Nantz doesn’t have the best week of any male living on God’s green Earth then slap me in the balls and call me LeBron. He gets to call the NCAA Men’s Basketball Final Four all weekend, then he flies straight to Augusta to announce the final two rounds of the Masters after hitting up three strip clubs with Tiger Woods during the week. How did he get these jobs?)

(Side note #2: Everybody knows that Gus Johnson is much better suited to call the NCAA Final Four. Let Nantz have his Masters, give Gus his golden goose.)

2. A freaking 16 year old made the field:


Matteo Manassero is a 16 year old Italian amateur that played his way into the Masters field with a win at the European Amateur Championship. I stumbled upon his press conference today where he was asked questions such as: Who is your favorite Jonas Brother? Are you upset that Hannah Montana is moving back to Tennessee? and Did you bring any homework to do this week since you are missing school? (Two of those questions are bogus, one of them is legit. You be the judge.)

He also makes every middle aged man who has played golf religiously for their entire life chuck their sticks into the nearest pond and take up bowling.

The only place that could possibly be any more cool for a 16 year old to be other than Augusta National to play in the Masters would be Megan Fox’s dressing room.  She has a weird thumb though, Augusta is flawless.

Advantage – Augusta National over Megan Fox’s Dressing Room by a thumb.

3. The return of David Duval:


Double D was easily my favorite golfer when I was growing up. On my high school golf team I even rocked the Oakley M-Frames for all 4 seasons. We also share the same birthday…holla!

Duval is making his first appearance at the Masters since 2006 where he finished at a robust 20 over par.  Some would argue that DD is only in the Masters because he got lucky one week last year at Bethpage Black, and I would partially agree with them. He really hasn’t done much since then except finish 2nd at the 2010 AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am.

This could make for an awesome story line, however. You may recall the classic back nine duel between Duval and Tiger Woods at the Masters back in 2001. It was an epic heavyweight fight between the then #1 and #2 players in the world rankings. How awesome would it be to see two comeback players like Duval and Tiger reliving old times on the back nine at Augusta? I would most likely cream my collective pants.

Duvie used to eat Augusta for breakfast in his prime. He never collected a green jacket, but look at these finishes:

1998: 2nd

1999: 6th

2000: 3rd

2001: 2nd

I’m not sure if it’s me wanting to relive my teenage years, or the seven Bud Lights that I just drank, but I really like Duval this week.

Advantage – Duval over Father Time

4. Philly McTits is struggling:


(Disclaimer: I roughly have 3,938 nicknames for Phil Mickelson. Some are sampled below. These come out at very random times during rounds of golf with my buddies when someone pulls a Mickelson inspired move. The above video showcases his douchiness. I’ve talked with a caddie at Harbour Town Golf Links that works the Verizon Heritage every year and said that nobody, including other players, can stand him. They say he’s fake as hell in front of the cameras. Ernie Els, on the other hand, was cool enough to bring a case of Budweiser and cigars to the caddy room to hang out with them. Awesome.)

Philbert is a lot like Duval. He loves him some Augusta. Phil was supposed to be golf’s (chubby) knight in shining armor after the whole Tiger fiasco. Too bad he hasn’t done jack shit other than allegedly shoot a 58 during a recreational round at a non-tour course.

I wouldn’t count ol’ Mickeltitties out this week, however. He has never really gone into Augusta on a hot streak, except for 2006 when he came to the Masters fresh off of a 13 stroke win at the BellSouth Classic. Take a peek:

2004: Win

2005: 10th

2006: Win

2008: 5th

2009: 5th

I have a feeling that Mickelson didn’t really like all of the spotlight that he got once Tiger was gone. He needs Tiger like the Joker needs Batman, or does Batman need the Joker? Oh well, I’m not nerdy enough to really care about that. Now that Tiger is back in action, Phil can take aim at another green jacket. I like him for another top 10 finish this week.

Advantage: Philly Flops

5. Oh yeah, Tiger is back…

Uh oh, field. Daddy’s back home.

Advantage – Tiger