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Why would you go there?

January 9, 2010 1 comment

I have never been offered millions of dollars to do anything in my life so I don’t have the best perspective on this but I will give it a shot. Why in the world would a professional athlete sign with the Royal,Pirates,Browns,Raiders, Clippers, Nets, or Carolina Hurricanes(couldn’t leave out hockey)?

Now unless you are drafted and forced to go to one of those teams or you are offered stupid,silly A-Rod money why in your right mind you would go and play at any of these places on purpose. Sure the Royals, Pirates, and Raiders have some have history but these franchises in their current states are where talent goes to die. Just look at Randy Moss pre and post Oakland, completely different guy.

Athletes are fans too so why does there fan instinct not kick in and say, “Wait a second you don’t really want to sign with the Clippers, do you?” Or “how about going to play second base for the Royal?”

Here is what I suggest, let’s shrink every sports league. Why not? Commissioners are always expanding and making more teams, but doesn’t that just dilute the talent to the point where you create absolute awfulness? Imagine if we eliminated four teams from each league the extra talent that would create. We send the rest of the talent that really doesn’t belong to lesser or minor leagues and you create more super teams than you have now. Imagine some of Oakland’s or the Clipper’s talent in a well run organization?(Blake Griffin running the wing with The Celts orLakers,yikes!)

So I say get smaller, let Zach Greinke pitch in Chicago, Boston, or New York, let Baron Davis play on a team that matters, and let Darren McFadden develop some where else. If you really think about it, it makes perfect sense.

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Categories: MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL

Weather is only going to make Hockey better!

December 31, 2009 2 comments

Forecast for tomorrow’s NHL Outdoor Classic-Awesomeness.

I really really really really hope it snows or rains or hails or there is a hurricane, well maybe not the last one but the first 3 would be great.

Sure it is harder on the players and the NHL will freak out because the ice gets all screwy but it was great to watch two years ago when it started to snow during the Buffalo Pittsburgh game.

Snow just makes things better, it cancels school, it make driving more fun, and it makes sporting events great! Think of how many times you have changed the channel while watching a football game that is being played in a blizzard, try zero. Same thing when the MLB plays their games all the way into November or their is a freak snow storm in Colorado it just make sports better.

So my fingers are crossed that the Boston area gets a blizzard tomorrow and that Fenway Park is turned into a Winter Wonderland of Pain, Canadians, and Puck!

Categories: NHL

super talent = mega douche nozzle

December 18, 2009 Leave a comment

Tiger is no different than his uber-talented forefathers.

With great power comes great responsibility…or a license for you to be an enormous Big Gulp sized jerkass.

Take a second to think about the biggest sports stars of the last twenty years. Not just your every day all-star, but the guys that you only have to say one name to know.

Here’s a list: Jordan, Tiger, Bonds, Favre, Gretzky, Magic, Agassi, Beckham, Kobe, and Tyson.

You could even go back farther if you would like: Wilt, The Babe, Mantle, and Namath.

So what gives? Why are these guys who are so highly regarded for their athletic abilities such complete and total shmucks?

I think that it is because they are constantly being coached and told what to say and do, and when they finally just don’t give a rat’s ass anymore they tend to act out against the persona that has been created for them.

Some gamble (MJ, Gretzky) some sleep around with some questionable women-folk (Magic, Tiger, Kobe, Wilt, Babe, Kobe, MJ), some turn to substance abuse (Babe, Mantle, Agassi, Namath, Bonds, Favre), some are just crazy and beat people up (You know who you are Iron Mike.), and some are just British. (Oh, Becks. You sexy futbol star.)

The problem is that we can never even imagine how these freaky uber-competative athletes feel. None of us can even come close to their wealth or talent level. I think that this is a trend that will continue as long as we live in an ultra-sensitive, mega informed society.

Think about some of the names that you may be hearing in the future: Federrer, LeBron, Nadal, Landon Donovan (Best American soccer player ever, maybe.), Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Dwayne Wade, or Kobe…again.

I think any or all of these athletes should be on watch and really think about how they are living their lives. Because if history has shown us anything it’s that it repeats itself. I have already stated in a previous article my future pick for athlete falling flat is the one and only Tim ‘Second only to God’ Tebow, now we just have to wait and see.

More proof that the NHL is really smart

December 17, 2009 Leave a comment

The first NHL Winter Classic was held in Buffalo, N.Y.

The NHL is one of the only sports leagues that actually listens to its fans.  While the NFL is trying to pimp games to England and Canada and Bud Selig is busy thinking that instant replay is the work of the devil, the NHL is making plans to add another Winter Classic game to be played in Canada every year according to ESPN.com.

This makes total sense as Canada is the birthplace of the sport and it is played outdoors by thousands of people on a daily basis. If the NHL decided to have an NBC doubleheader on New Year’s Day would be freaking amazing. Game one would be held in the United States and game two would follow in Canada. This would pull in the most casual hockey fan to a full day of hockey viewing. Kudos to you NHL and commish extraordinaire Gary Bettman.

Here’s the story from ESPN.com:

PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. — The NHL wants to hold a second outdoor game, this one in Canada, commissioner Gary Bettman confirmed Wednesday.

“Yes, it’s something we’re going to look at for next season,” Bettman said as the NHL’s Board of Governors meeting wrapped up. “We’ll see if we can make it happen.”

This season’s Winter Classic is Jan. 1 at Fenway Park in Boston between the Bruins and Philadelphia Flyers. What’s not clear at this point is what day the second outdoor game would be held next season.

Categories: NHL Tags: , ,

SOGJ’s Proposal to the NHL Rules Committee

December 14, 2009 Leave a comment

Barry Melrose and the Holy Grail of Hair.

I am slowly becoming more and more interested in hockey, but there is just one thing that is keeping me away and that is the rules.

I don’t have a clue about the rules of hockey, thus making it very hard to follow.

I know what you’re thinking: “Just look them up, jackass.” Well, that would be far too easy and way too played out, so instead I came up with my own rules that would really draw in the casual viewer like myself:

1. More fights. This one is really a no brainer. Sports fans love fights, hockey fans love fights, so let’s have some fights!

At the end of each period there will be a scheduled fight (think of it like the card to a UFC pay-per-view).

Each team gets to pick a chosen fighter to send to center ice to knock knuckles. The fights following the first and second periods would all be leading up to the ‘main event’ following the end of the game. Think: Ovechkin v. Crosby. Are you going to leave your seat for that one? I think not.

Also, no fighting rules. Gladiator style. Just for effect.

2. If a goalie gives up more than three goals in a single period then the team has to play the rest of the period without a goalie. They will, of course, get the extra attacker, but no one can play goalie.

Also, the team shooting on the empty goal will have to shoot from behind the blue line. The range skill isn’t often showcased on the ice, this would be our chance to see it.

(Side note: Hooray for more goals!)

3. All NHL coaches must rock a mullet. If they are incapable of achieving the Mt. Everest of hair, then they must wear a wig. Model: Barry Melrose (circa early 90’s).

People would watch games just to see which coach had the better lettuce and they would stay locked in on the game because they knew there would be a fight card. (It’s genius!)

4. Barry Melrose (ESPN hockey analyst, eh?) and Don Cherry (Co-Host of Hockey Night in Canada, double eh?) should be co-commisioners of the NHL. They will also be broadcast announcers for one major game a week.

No one loves puck more than these guys and they will have absolute epic wardrobe battles.

Added bonus: Have Craig Sager and his wonderfully awful suits do all of the on-ice and post fight interviews.

5. Make the penalty box like an episode of Fear Factor.

In order for a player to get out of the penalty box they will have to perform a crazy stunt or eat some nasty cow flop or something. I even want Joe Rogan there to be a sarcastic, demeaning narrator for the whole thing.

For example: If a player receives three or more penalties in a game, he has to eat fried bull testicles or pickled rat tail to get out of the sin bin.

The best part is that hockey players would do it because hockey players are crazy! This would also expose the pretty boys in the league and allow more avenues for ridicule.

More octupi and snakes on the ice, please.

6. Live reptilians/aquatic species/worn out celebrities thrown on the ice following a hat trick.

Throwing a dead octopus on the ice is a great idea (Thank you Red Wings fans, you are true visionaries), but here’s a better idea: throw a live octopus on the ice.

Also, let’s try some poisonous snakes and other chemically potent species, like Lindsay Lohan for instance.

Here’s the kicker: no player can leave the ice until all of the thrown octopi, snakes and Lohans are incapacitated.

Players would turn into a real-life Maximus Meridius and yes, I would be quite entertained.

So, NHL, take this ideas into consideration and i think you’ve got a real winner (and blood) on your hands.

It would be a fine mix of sport, entertainment and circus. A true spectacle on ice.

(Much more so than Scott Hamilton skating, dancing and jumping around in a leotard.)

Categories: NHL Tags:

Hockey Players = Awesome

December 11, 2009 1 comment

Let’s face it, hockey is the best sport that no one cares about. People should start watching.

Today it was announced that 51 year old Slava Fetisov will suit up and play for CSKA Moscow in a competitive game in the Continental Hockey League according to ESPN.com.

Are you freaking kidding me? 51! That’s utterly fantastic.

What’s even better is that Fetisov is playing defense. That means that grandpa will get to put some whipper-snappers into the boards and put his body in front the net and deflect some slap shots. (There are few things scarier than taking a dive on the ice to stop a slapshot that’s moving at 100 mph, but these guys are crazy).

This is not the first time that an old man has put on the skates and the pads and gotten back on the ice. In 1979 Gordie Howe played an entire NHL season with the Hartford Whalers at the age of 51. He even put up 41 points with the Whalers, not too bad for a guy who was a few years short of getting his AARP card.

They should let more old guys suit up, granted they can still physically play.

Barry Bonds would play until he was 60 years old and would still get intentionally walked 97 times a year. Of course, he would still look like a 25 year old Venice Beach body builder. Was it the creme or the clear Barry?

MJ would probably never, ever, ever retire, and he would still average double figures if he came back next week. Take that Bryon Russell…

Doug Flutie would still be really short and spend his time kicking old school field goals and pimping Flutie Flakes.

Even if Fetisov gets hurt because of his age, he still will play hard because hockey players are as intense as it gets, and that’s just how they’re wired.

Watch out when he comes back to his retirement villa’s shuffle board courts when his hockey career is over. He may cross check someone out of their Hoveround.

Categories: NHL Tags:

Is Hockey upstaging Hoops?

December 8, 2009 1 comment

The Chicago Blackhawks average attendance is 20,504.

We recently were tipped off to a forum post authored by ‘Primis’ on the hockey website Finish Your Check that blew our collective minds.

The NHL has always been the little cousin to the ‘Big Three’ professional sporting associations in North America (NFL, MLB and NBA).  You would invite him to hang out with you and your friends but you would belittle him and shatter his self esteem at every possible opportunity.  He would get the trifecta of old school pranks: the wet willy, the wedgie and my personal favorite, the ‘Hurts Donut.’  Once you grew up, you became increasingly worried that your little cousin would somehow become bigger than you and all hell would break loose.  But you were never really worried because, come on, it’s the NHL we’re talking about here.  Well, little cousin NHL is back and he’s bigger than you may remember him being.

Let’s face it, the rules changes and television gimmicks of the past (Yes, I’m talking to you glowing Fox puck orb.) have not helped its reputation with the mainstream sports fan.  But a recent surge in popularity has placed the NHL almost dead even, if not slightly ahead of, the NBA in attendance for the 2009-2010 season.

Honestly, has there been any single promotion better for hockey than the Winter Classic series? Even causal hockey fans and people who never watch hockey mark this as a ‘must watch’ game on their sports calendar…I would know, I’m as casual of a hockey fan as there is.  Playing hockey in its intended climate in cathedrals of sport is one of the better ideas in recent sports history, let alone NHL history. Imagine if the NBA could play one regular season game at Rucker Park with LeBron going up against Kobe, and they promoted the hell out of it just like the NHL does with the Winter Classic.  It would be a-freaking-mazing.)

Here are the excerpts from the original post on FYC that got us thinking:

* The NHL has 12 teams drawing 18,000/game or more. The NBA only has 9 teams.
* The NHL has 10 teams averaging 100% capacity or over. The NBA only has 5.
* The NHL’s NY Islanders, 29th in Attendance, are drawing only 12,485 yet still are outdrawing the NBA’s Sacramento (12,145), Philly (11,965), and Memphis (11,591) franchises.
* These averages are all higher still despite the fact that the NHL clubs on average have played about 10 more home games than their NBA counterparts.

Some of those numbers have changed slightly since it’s original post, but the fact remains true.  The NHL is flat out beating the NBA in a few attendance categories.

Here are some other things we noticed about the NBA/NHL attendance comparisons:

  • The NBA still leads the NHL in total average game attendance, but the gap is very small at only 166 people per game. (NBA: 16,893 – NHL: 16,707)
  • In Philadelphia the NBA is getting throttled by the NHL (NHL: 19,366 – NBA: 12,932)
  • In Phoenix the NHL is getting similarly throttled by the NBA (NBA: 17,339 – NHL: 9,774)
  • Chicago is killing it in both NHL and NBA attendance (NBA Rank: 1 w/ 21,079 – NHL Rank: 2 w/ 20,504)

I could provide many more stats that showcase the parity between the NBA and NHL attendance numbers, but I really don’t like math and it makes my head hurt. See the NHL and NBA attendance figures for yourself from ESPN.com.

Categories: NBA, NHL Tags: ,